Thoughts on a passing scene…
So much life, so much death.
These past few weeks have been a blur of mixed energy. My amazing Niece Sarah stopped by the other night. She is expecting her second set of twins. As we visited I felt so happy thinking about someone as wonderful as her raising and loving a child, or five children, as the case may be.
I have been bowled over by the many different emotions that have overwhelmed my heart since Jacob died last week.
Heavenly Father knows that we no longer have health insurance and so he sent me a therapist in the form of my visiting teacher Danielle at the very moment I needed to talk to someone. If I still had mental health coverage I would have made an appointment with my excellent therapist. But since we like to eat more than just about anything else, there was no way I was going to “steal” a hundred bucks from the precious dollars in our bank account to go have my overwhelming feelings addressed by a trained professional.
I went out walking Samwise the other day and Danielle was walking to her office on the SUU campus. I mentioned to her that a dear friend had died and she made herself immediately available to me. We sat on my porch and talked for an hour. As I felt her deep concern about “my” emotional response to this tragedy, I felt once again the Lords grace enter into my life in a profound and real way as I experienced a completely loving embrace of my wobbly emotional state.
I have felt similar feelings to the ones I experienced when my adopted brother Joe Mangus died in 2006.
My best friend Susan is in California awaiting the birth of her second grandchild. Her daughter is contracting as I type. I am so excited to welcome the babe internet style. Her experiences as a Grandmother these past few years have really pounded it into my head that sooner than later our Grandchildren will begin arriving earth side. This is so overwhelming to my heart, I can hardly contain the energy.
Jeff is flying home right now after being in Colorado with Allison and Kyle for the past few days. They went to the funeral yesterday and he said it was one of the most spiritual moments of his life to be in that building with those five hundred people mourning his friend. Mark created this beautiful slide show and posted it on his You Tube Channel:
I had a woman finally contact me about taking my childbirth class. I have been marketing it for the past three years, but Mamas in Cedar City like their epidurals, so Natural Childbirth is a hard sell in this town. We have also have had the spectacle of a Midwife in town being charged with Manslaughter after the death of a premie twin in her care.
I know the energy around home birth in this town has been really weird ever since I moved here. It is the complete opposite of Boulder where Moms are able to give birth in whatever way fits for them without any serious emotional blowback.
We were going to begin that childbirth class on Thursday Night, but I think we may postpone it for another week. It has been 18 years since I taught in a formal way here in my home.
I have had many informal students over these past 18 years such as the people at church who picked my brain about this topic or that. Many dear friends have told me that I shared a tip or a principle with them at the precise moment they needed to hear what I had to share, and that has been incredibly gratifying.
And of course, I have looked on this blog, my old website, my books, and all of my outreach on the radio and video as an online childbirth class. It is difficult to put into words how much joy I feel when I see photos of the many babes who have been born unassisted at home into their parents hands because of something I have written or done.
My dear friend Nessa went above and beyond any sort of expectation I had for influencing and encouraging friends, by not only adopting my lifestyle, but last month she was baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints! After a year of investigating, she has developed a strong testimony of the Restoration and the Fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and was bapized and confirmed a member of the church!
She told me one time that when she was on the fence about having an unassisted birth, she contacted me and I told her to pray about it. She said the fact that I did not tell her what to do, or treat her as any less if she chose a hospital birth, really impressed her, and made her feel in control of her own destiny and future as she carefully prepared for labor by eating the Brewer Diet and making all sorts of physical, emotional, and spiritual preparations for her sons birth. She owned it! And how fun that she embraced this Sovereign Lifestyle before she embraced my Religion!
I felt waves of spiritual joy every time she told me about a new level she had reached in her life.
As she posts pictures on Facebook of her amazing family, the waves of empowerment just roll off the pages like a tidal wave. It is the complete opposite of the energy that often spills out from the photos of Moms who have been brutalized, traumatized, and anesthetized during their births.
Please note, I really do not care how other people choose to live. I have taken a boatload of rejection for my life choices, the most vitriolic of which has been reserved for those of us who speak out and make judgement calls about certain practices around birth and babyhood. I am emboldened by the loss of connection between parents and children and the lack of attachment that goes on almost unobserved by families who do not even realize what has been lost because they have not known real attachment for several generations.
The Apostle Paul said our day would be defined by those who are without “Natural Affection“. The most startling reality is the number of mothers in our society who kill their babes in the womb. But close behind this loss of what is normal and natural is the “Lean In” generation who are selling their children’s birthright of attachment and connection to Mom for a materialistic bowl of chemically detached pottage.
So can she lean in now? Can you lean in if you don’t have the perfect husband? What if it’s too late to get the perfect husband? She doesn’t address that, but maybe she will now. I have a feeling that the spokesperson for high-flying careers is going to get a lot more informative and helpful now that she’s a single mom. All the money in the world can’t buy a substitute for a parent showing up to kiss a skinned knee.
I love reading her blog. She is so consistently honest about the most difficult subjects. And perhaps Mothers like her who believed the Feminist lies and missed out on the important first couple years with their babes see things A little more clearly than some who have never thought much about it.
I need to run…