More Plumes… thoughts on my siblings on Sibling Day
I have been on Facebook for the past few minutes and realized that today was National Sibling Day.
I found myself feeling somewhat crushed emotionally and do not want to feel these feelings as I am about to be descended upon by various family members for a double birthday party that I am hosting.
My kids and I have been planning this gathering for some time and although I need to go start supper, I feel like I should type out a few words just to ease my heart.
This is for all of you who find yourselves cut off from your siblings for whatever reason.
The reason I am currently out of connection with my parents and six live siblings, their spouses, and children is because my Father is a selfish bastard.
I have been in “Protest” mode for the better part of three years. Silent and non responsive when they all reach out to me.
Well, not quite NON responsive. I have responded a bit here and there when I felt the boundary I had set up was being breached and it needed to be reinforced. A well timed “leave me alone” or some such phrase can really send the message that I am not to be contacted.
My Dad breached the boundaries of my body over and over during my childhood and I have been engaged in a one woman protest by not being in contact with my family.
As I was scrolling Facebook just now and saw all of the photos and messages of love and connection, I felt somewhat demoralized.
The musical, ‘Pippin’ follows the character of Pippin, son of Charlemagne.
Pippin goes to war but discovers that war is not what he wants to do after all.
When he arrives home he muses..
‘I thought there’d be more plumes’.
That line from the show sort of sums up where I am as an almost 50 year old woman.
I never could have imagined an adult life without my siblings, and YES, I thought there would be more plumes…
During the 3 plus years we lived in Utah I could barely get together with my husbands family because I was so homesick for my own people.
The wild eyed debates over politics and religion.
The ten billion inside jokes.
Few things disconnect a family more than incest and it truly is the definition of a white trash existence on this planet.
How to move forward when it seems like I am so easily beset by my memories, my physical body, and something as silly as a Facebook meme?
I have no idea.
I just wanted to shout out my support to any of you suffering through yet another family holiday, completely divorced from your source.