Healing @JennyHatch

My bestie Laura Shanley has been under the weather and talking to her yesterday reminded me that I have not had a lung infection in MONTHS!

Last year I had five serious lung infections back to back. One of them took me to deaths door. It is so wonderful to be making real progress with my health.

This is the soup I used to make for my friends and family who were ill:

(This movie was one of my very first attempts at video making 11 years ago!)

More at my BLOG!

I used to grow, harvest, and dehydrate my own herbs as illustrated in this video.

I handed my kitchen over to Shelly years ago when I was bedridden with a serious illness. Although I help with dishes and kitchen chores and occasionally cook a simple meal, Paul and Michelle have crafted most of our meals for these many years while I have been sick with a variety of ailments.

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It is 6:13 am here in Colorado. Cold. The door just clicked shut as Paul and Ben left for early morning seminary. A prayer of gratitude overwhelms my heart. Prayers also for protection and safety as my son heads to the local high school. We have had several chats about school safety, copycat crimes, and what Ben would do if a kid started shooting up the school. I have been ill for weeks. On full time oxygen supplementation while my immune system was taken to the outer limits of capacity. As I observed my husband Paul yesterday come and go while I occupied myself to keep sane, he NEVER stopped. Up at four am thinking about his work, to seminary at 6, to work at 7 am, home at noon for lunch, fed me, back to work at 1, home at 4, after stopping by the store to get ice cream to take to the youth church activity. He made supper for me (Shelly often comes home from work and cooks, but last night it was Paul). Drove a gang of youth up to our little church in the mountains for wednesday activity (broom hockey and treats), Paul met with the man who previously served as the ward clerk. He was just given this calling. Drop kiddos home and arrives home about 8:45 pm with Ben, happy, upbeat, tired. Wednesdays are BUSY. I stayed in bed all day. Last Saturday I vacuumed the whole house, well mostly. Slowly, back and forth, it helps me breathe to get all the dust up. First chores I have done since becoming ill. I want to help, ache to help, guilt overwhelms that I cannot help. Vacuuming sends me back into breathing crisis. Too much energy expended. Scared. Relapse? Will I ever feel well? I read, I nap, I take a quick run (stumble) to the kitchen to refill my water. I lay down…winded, just ran a marathon, check oxygen… 83. Tubes back up nose. Nose is sore, dry, tubing bothers my ears. Sure I use oxygen when I go out in public and driving for Uber to keep my brain at top performance. As an asthmatic with chronic hypoxia, it is part of my life. But to have to use oxygen 24/7? Colorado wind, cold, and altitude hits me every moment of every day, but we are a thousand feet lower than Cedar City, I can feel it. Paul leaves for work, so grateful for the job. I fall back to sleep.

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My constant complaint has been fatigue with bouts of vertigo so problematic I had a hard time keeping my balance.

Being put on Oxygen solved most of these complaints but the never ending fatigue has just been something I have learned to live with. I can handle being up and about for 90 minutes or so and then I slowly start to fade and head back to my bed where I keep busy working on the internet exposing those involved in child trafficking.

I am so excited to be healthy enough to do all of our cooking again!

And perhaps sooner than later, fully healing from the chronic fatigue.

In feelings buried alive the emotions of being alone, hopeless, despair, losing the will to live etc are all tied to fatigue and dizzyness.

It has been so odd for me to know and understand WHY I am having the symptoms I do and yet feeling powerless to heal it quickly beyond just nurturing my immune system with herbal healing and patiently waiting to reconcile the abuse.

When healing traumas, you have to let your body heal at its own pace.

When my brother Dave died seventeen years ago and the many layers of trauma began to bubble up, I remember having the thought, “Six months and I will be as good as new”. HA!

During my pregnancy with Benjamin sixteen years ago, I remember praying and begging the Lord to let me remember everything all at once so I could just be done with it. The Holy Spirit nudged me with this wisdom, “If we do that, your baby will die. You need to be patient and allow your mind to reconcile all of the trauma in a slow, systematic way.”

Looking back I can see the wisdom in this approach as my mind has grappled with the realities of post traumatic stress and I have been compelled to face some incredibly dark realities.

I have reconciled four different abuse situations at the same time.

1. Childhood incest (with accompanying parental and sibling rejection of my claims)

2. Childhood ritual abuse from people tied to my elementary school

3. A gang rape by four men when I was 21

4. Someone sold me to three men when I was a toddler. Those men offered this person a thousand dollars if he would give them access to my 3 year old body for an hour. He needed the money and handed me to them while I was being tended by his wife. She ran to the grocery store for an hour and I was shattered once again while she was away.

I was also molested and sexually harassed in a variety of places at church, school, hospitals, and theatrical settings.

Reconciliation has helped me understand why I was so passionate about home birth, home schooling, never leaving my babies in the care of other people when I was a young mom and why I was so excited to move out west away from my parents and Detroit.

A fourth hospitalization in 2012 was a pivot point away from suicidal depression. My school perpetrators had programmed me to commit suicide if I ever remembered what they did to me or moved close to fully healing.

The psychiatrist I worked with during that hospitalization at Centennial Peaks was a gift. He truly handled the situation perfectly and was highly supportive of my choice not to use psychiatric meds.

As I have reconciled what happened to me I have been blessed to cross paths with other survivors who grew up in the same demented part of Michigan where so much evil was going on in the 60’s and 70’s.

Oakland county is a hub for Satanic child trafficking, and pedo/cannibal Lucifereanism with a thick overlay of Marxism to cover the whole noxious mess. I have been openly fighting against all of this for many years.

I did not realize when I began writing in 1999 where the passion for childbirth sovereignty and family freedom stemmed from. But as clarity has fully restored my brain and peace has settled over my heart, my passion to expose and confront the systemic evil currently bubbling under our society has only magnified these past three years.

I also feel incredibly passionate about helping children who have been trafficked and sold. I want them to know that they can heal.

I can tell I am getting close to being fully healed, but sheesh, it has been a long, hard slog. I am so ready to be over it.

Music has been my main therapy. I also had my little Silky Terrier Samwise Gandalf by my side for ten years. His neverending love, devotion, and companionship was a huge contribution to my healing. I miss him every day. I believe people tied to the Pedo Cult I was helping to expose murdered him in 2015.

I am incredibly optimistic about the future and am fully expecting and planning to achieve real and lasting health.

I am so grateful for my husband and daughter who have made it possible for me to do a few things outside of our home.

Driving a few hours a week for Uber (and also Lyft) gets me out of bed and into the sunshine and out meeting and interacting with people. I have the freedom to drive as much or as little as I can handle. The dollars I earn help me to feel like I am contributing financially instead of just blowing all of our cash on my health bills.

Paul and Shelly have also been highly supportive of the musical shows I have been in. They know my mental health has been deeply affected by singing Brahms Requiem and performing the high soprano solo for Rutters Gloria.

Performing in Annie, Little Shop of Horrors, Directing the Neil Simon Players, and doing A Christmas Carol this past season has been so healing on so many levels.

I also was supported in directing a couple of childrens shows and teaching a musical theatre class at a private school.

Directing my church choirs and participating in the Messiah also helped my mental health so much.

Music HEALS!

And I am so grateful for being able to mostly sit while directing as those participating in my choirs and shows were so understanding of my physical limitations and need for oxygen supplementation.

Paul has subbed for me so many times as the ward chorister, he should be given credit as music director! He did it again just this past Sunday.

He took me to see a few friends in a musical on my birthday last Saturday and true to form I only lasted until intermission.

Fatigue, dizzyness, panic and the walls closing in all kicked in as the heat and lack of oxygen in the theatre conspired to compel me to leave early. The show was so funny. I wish we could have stayed!

I am certainly healthier now than I was 2 1/2 years ago and was suffering with this infection on my face!

This nasty festering mass of neverending bacteria and virus held me hostage for months and months during 2016. By the time we drove to California to attend Jeffs wedding it was healed somewhat, but the full infection did not fully leave my body until this year.

I used so many different forms of natural healing to fix it that I would be hard pressed to delineate any one thing that cured me. I give Heavenly Father all of the glory for guiding me through the labyrinth of this tricky disease. Priesthood Blessings were a constant, and I had about ten of them during the many months I was suffering.

It is a new day and I feel so much better.

I auditioned for Tuacahn, which is an outdoor venue at a lower altitude. I am praying the lower altitude and open theatrical setting will empower me to do nine shows a week this summer without fretting too much about my lungs! I know the high windy altitudes of Cedar City and Longmont have contributed so much to my chronic hypoxia.

Ivins Utah is at a nice low 3,000 feet. I have not lived at that low of an altitude for 28 years!

I would be happy being an understudy or a swing in the company, but am hoping for a couple of bit parts.

They are producing The Sound of Music and Little Mermaid.

Here is my audition video:


Should be a blast!

Jenny Hatch


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