Thoughts @JennyHatch

At first I felt like my spirit was outside of my body. Then I realized that I was completely stiff and I wondered if I was dead. As I started to really wake up, I quickly realized that my tubes were not up my nose and I reached up and placed them firmly in my nostrils.

As the oxygen hit my bloodstream my thoughts cleared and I knew I was alive and that I would be ok.

This story from the California fires has haunted me these past few weeks.

A man who relied on an oxygen machine to breathe died 12 minutes after a preventative power cut to his Northern California home — but the local coroner told his incredulous family that the outage did not cause his death.

“The power going off and him not being able to get to his oxygen is, I believe, is what did it,” said Marie Aldea, the daughter of 67-year-old Robert Mardis Sr., who died early Wednesday.

“I don’t understand why they turned off the power,” she said. “No winds at all. And because of that, my father is gone. Blaming them is not going to bring my father back, unfortunately.”

Mardis, who had severe coronary artery atherosclerosis, breathed with the help of a nasal tube. His family, who had been told by power utility PG&E to expect the planned outage, had battery-operated backup machines ready for him to use — but the timing of the sudden shutoff, at 3:30 a.m., caught them unawares.”

I have had so many near death experiences over my life that at times it has felt like I already had one foot in heaven.

This time I feel like I was halfway to the pearly gates.

I am reconciled.

I want to live. But years ago I was compelled to come to terms with an early exit from mortality.

If that is in front of me I hope to handle it with grace and good humor.

After all, if we are not chuckling at the absurdity of lifes ironies we might just break into tears and crying gives me a migraine.

I hope and pray I can stay and enjoy my family. But if not? I like to believe I have qualified myself for entry into the Celestial Kingdom.

We’ll see how it all shakes out.

Jenny Hatch