Sarahs Key showed up on Netflix and I started watching it last night. I had the option to turn on the subtitles because most of the movie is in french. But I decided to leave them off and just watched. I have seen this movie several times since it came out, so I know the story well enough to follow along without the actual words running through my mind. I also read the book, which although different from the movie, gives great depth to the characters.
I was surprised to notice so much that I have missed in the past because I was always reading subtitles. The acting is absolutely stupendous and the music, filming, and overall energy of the movie just hit me hard. As I finished up the movie this morning, I decided to write this post and share my review that I wrote ten years ago.
Whenever I think of this movie, I remember the impact it had on me. It literally saved my life. As I have thought about the message and lined it up with my own walk on this earth, it just overwhelms my heart to think of the power of film and music to touch the hearts of people.
Two months after I wrote that review in 2011, I checked into a local mental hospital because I was so suicidal I could hardly stand it. This is not an unusual state of mind for me to be in but I had vowed never to go back. I had been hospitalized twice before in the same frame of mind. My youngest son was nine and as the boy in the movie was nine when Sarah killed herself, this depiction of a son losing his mom really hit me hard. When I am suicidal my thoughts generally revolve around the idea that my loved ones would be so much happier if I was gone. Thankfully my husband and children have helped tremendously as the years have played out to let me know that they love me and want me in their lives.
When I was fifteen I went through an intense suicidal depression that I told very few people about. Then I struggled mightily after the birth of my first daughter. I had thoughts of wanting to hurt her and hurt myself. I have since come to believe that those of us who have been ritualistically abused worry very much about the types of lives that our children are going to live and so for us, death feels like a welcome reprieve from a mortal walk that is filled with abuse and trauma. As I have worked through these feelings and thoughts, nothing was more helpful than crossing paths with Fiona Barnett and realizing that the best way to deal with suicidal ideation is to say out loud, “These are not my thoughts. These thoughts were implanted into my mind, but these are not my thoughts”. It really does work.
Psychiatry has very little to offer the ritualistically abused person beyond drug therapies and electro-shock. The surgeons have also re-imagined the old lobotomy and are doing more brain surgeries to mess with the frontal lobes of those who suffer.
I will always think of watching Sarah’s Key as the beginning of the time for healing the ritual abuse I suffered at the hands of Satanic People who were in my life in Michigan during the early 1970’s. They had programmed me to off myself if I ever came close to remembering what they did to me.
This is what I looked like as I was healing some of the worst of it.
I believe I have processed through the worst of the abuse and feel like I am about to pivot to a new stage that will be defined by being a grandmother and increasing my talents in acting, storytelling, movie making, and podcasting. I am also gearing up to teach a formal childbirth class again. More about that in a future post.
These ten years of healing have been so intense and overwhelming. I had many moments of thinking that I was going to die, but something always pulled me back. As I have witnessed multiple deaths of loved ones and activist friends these past few weeks, heaven feels closer than ever. Here is the review of the movie I wrote in 2011
Every once in a great while I take a chance and rent a movie from Redbox without knowing anything about it.
Most of the time what I see is the same pointless drivel that flows out of Hollywood year after year.
I was shocked to pick up Sarah’s Key the other day, and find myself transported to 1942 Paris France into the chaos of yet another Holocaust Story that nobody ever taught me about in History Class.
The pure emotion of this amazing movie, so well crafted, acted, and musically scored left me quite drained emotionally. The day after viewing it I watched the Making of the Movie documentary on the DVD and read the English subtitles as the French Writer, Director, Crew, and Actors explained the backstory of the book and movie.
Then last night I popped the disc into my player once again and watched it a second time, reveling in movie making at its very best. As the spirit of the story washed over me, I felt enlivened and overwhelmed by the tender way this story was crafted.
Today before returning the movie, I plan to watch it a third time, as my own personal holiday celebration of Family, Life, Love, and Truth. I have already put the book on my Amazon wish list and plan to purchase the movie for our home Library when I have a few extra dollars laying around. When my daughters return home from school for Christmas Break watching Sarahs Key with them will be a high priority during our three weeks of vacation together.
As I watched the second time, I found the story of the modern day journalist more compelling and relevent to my own life than Sarahs Journey…
I am curious to see how a third viewing touches my heart.
Today I am so grateful for the craft of movie making. It touches me on every level.
It is a life changing movie.